why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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