i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
