so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
