She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
