Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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