i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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