Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
