Is it because I queefed?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize