I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
