Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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