im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
