her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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