i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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