Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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