So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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