I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
