We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
