Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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