One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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