I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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