my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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