sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize