You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
