My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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