Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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