Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
