I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
