Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
