drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
