Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
