I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
