Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
