Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
