I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
