She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
