Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
