Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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