If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
