I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
