Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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