i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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