You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
