Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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