Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
