i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
