I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
