New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
