I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
