I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize