i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize