i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
