In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Terrible idea I love it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
