me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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