I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
only you would photoshop your dick
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
