I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
