and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
