hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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