She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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