I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Randomize
