My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
