So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
