im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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