Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
