Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
