I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
