K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
These tits shall not be calmed
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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