my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
